A Life-Giving Leader Knows that Pain is Part of Leadership

     A life-giving woman knows that pain is part of leadership, and she understands the necessity of guarding her heart. Proverbs 4:23, says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. “ A position of leadership puts you out front for all to see, watch, and judge. I enjoy horse racing, and used to attend the races at Keeneland in Kentucky. When a horse would come out of the shoot, my eye would always follow the horse that was out front and in the lead. John Maxwell, the guru of leadership books, writes in his book, Leadership Gold, “When you get kicked in the rear, you know you’re out front.” 

     A life-giving leader knows that she doesn’t have the luxury of “closing up shop and going home” just because she gets, “kicked in the rear,” her feelings get hurt or she gets criticized. The challenge is to resist quitting the race but also to resist hardening your heart. The tendency is to give up and stop engaging life. We want to put our jammies on, curl up in a blanket and eat chocolate when we are struggling and defeated, but the life-giving leader presses into love, takes another risk, and embraces another relationship. 

     One of my pastor friends experienced a great deal of relational pain when several of the members of the church where he served, became critical of the church and left. When I was talking with him about how he was handling the heartbreak of several members leaving, he said to me that although it was very painful for him personally, he would not stop loving others and engaging in people‘s lives. In other words, he didn’t take himself out of the game.  He pressed into love, and continued on with his race.

     The greatest tactic of the enemy is to get you to stop loving others, stop ministering to others, and to retreat to where it is safe…out of commission, and out of life! John Eldredge writes in Desire, “Do we form no friendships because our friends might be taken from us? Do we refuse to love because we may be hurt? Do we forsake our dreams because hope has been deferred? To desire is to open our hearts to the possibility of pain; to shut down our hearts is to die altogether.” 

     In order to keep your heart soft and life-giving, you must maintain a forgiving heart toward others. Jesus said in Mark 11:24-25, “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you hold a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” (NIV). The writer of Hebrews warns us, “Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you for as it springs up among you it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives.” Hebrews 12:15 (LB).  “Express. Don’t hold it in. Talk about it. Because if you don’t get it dealt with now, if you let it begin to boil, it will be harder to deal with later.  Emotional anger unexpressed will lead to sinful bitterness.“ [Joe Champion, Rocked, pg. 27].

    Remember, no matter your circumstances, the state of your heart will determine the direction of your life and your leadership. Guard your heart!

How Do You Take Your Coffee?

How do you take your coffee?  Do you know certain people well enough to be familiar with how they take theirs?

People are looking for a place where they belong - where they are known.  There’s a certain comfort in having leaders who know and believe in you.  As leaders we should aspire to really get to know the people God sends our way.  We should aspire to know them to the point where they are comfortable sharing their struggles and successes. 

Maybe even get to know how they take their coffee… 

In Acts 2:46-47 the believers, “worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s supper and shared their meals with great joy and generosity all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people.  And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.” 

What an awesome picture of reaching people through small groups! A  coach recently shared a testimony of a lady who was attending a small group.  She was amazed at the love and the bond the people shared, and she got born again during one of the meetings!  That is New Testament evangelism at it’s best!  Small groups provide the perfect opportunity to get to know someone deeply and lead them to a life-giving relationship with Christ.

In the superficial world we are all living in, there are a lot of people out there looking to meet someone who truly cares about them, who is even interested in the little things like how they take their coffee.  I have a question for you.  Who has God sent to you?  Do you take the time to find out what is going on in their lives and share the hope they have in Christ?  In this fast paced world, that’s the challenge isn’t it?  Small groups give the perfect setting to complete that challenge!

Passion vs. Capability

Sitting around the conference table was a group of capable women leaders each with tremendous responsibility: family responsibilities, work responsibilities, and ministry responsibilities. The agenda for the meeting had been completed and each was eager to move forward with their day.

And then the Holy Spirit “interrupted” their schedule and showed up at the meeting as only He can.

Just as the meeting was about to close, the facilitator asked each woman about her passion…what makes her heart jump…what does she pray for in her quiet moments…what spurs her on. 

One by one, each woman began to weep as she shared the dream of her heart. The facilitator observed the tears and wondered what had touched each woman so deeply to evoke such an emotional reaction.  And then it occurred to her, she had touched upon that which was most precious to each woman – passion.  Each woman in this group was a great leader not because of her capability but because of her passionate love of Christ!

A woman that is fulfilling the call of God on her life and living in the passion zone is a woman that is most fulfilled. Some of these women were living in the passion zone and some were awaiting the dream to come to fruition.

Leadership skills can be taught, but passion is ambiguous and intangible.  It is a beautiful commodity that resides in a person and creates enthusiasm that can spread like wild fire.  Peter was a man filled with passion which at times got him into tremendous trouble with Christ.  Up until the book of Acts, the reader sees Peter in blunder after blunder after blunder which culminates with denying Jesus three times. BUT Jesus loved Peter and after His resurrection fully restored him to full fellowship (John 21:1-23). In Acts from Pentecost on Peter is a leader. All the passion he had for Christ was channeled into leadership that impacted the world and continues until this day.

So the question becomes, what is your passion? What evokes tears within you? What spurs you on?  

   

Keep It Simple

What I find so interesting these days is how elaborate presentations are when you attend weddings, showers, birthdays and other celebrations.   There is so much effort in making a “statement” and having themes to events.   I appreciate the time and effort it takes to create these environments.  

Not that a small group is not an event of some sort in your home…but it certainly is not ranked up there with those celebration parties, where it is about food and fun.  Not to say that a small group isn’t about fun.

This summer, I was challenged to think about what a small group IS.   I do not recall that any answer was given.  But the challenge was to think about the value of a small group versus any other gathering of people that someone might arrange in their home.   Why small groups?  Why have them?  Others have get-togethers and socialize and get to know one another, even serve one another and “feel the love.”  

Really I am not overflowing with too many answers here. But one thought has crept to the top of my list:  the concept of being “IN HIS NAME”.   The simplicity of “where 2 or 3 have gathered in My Name, there I am in their midst.”  So Jesus is a guaranteed guest.

So what happens when Jesus shows up?  Good question.  I am searching the gospels even more for the answer.   There is power, healing, fellowship, connection to God.   Life change.  Food. Cannot forget that!  Jesus was not just there with the scrolls laid before Him speaking the Word.   He was touching people and loving on them as well as teaching the Word.  

So do not be intimidated by what you might think it means to lead a group.  Follow in Jesus’ footsteps, keep it simple, keep it about His presence, invite Him to show up, He will and it doesn’t matter what snacks are on the table.   When hearts speak to hearts, the things of the world fall to the side and the Holy Spirit ministers to each believer mysteriously.   And all you did was run the vacuum!  

Now I know there is much more that you as a small group leader do than just run the cleaner, to love on each member.   I do not want to undermine that at all.  But the simplicity of devotion to Christ and each other is what comes through and is noticed the most.

Thanks small group leaders for all you do!

A Good Listener

Wisdom comes to he who listens

Who doesn't like a good breakfast or lunch with a brother or sister, love exploring the treasures in a persons life or unearthing the gifts that are within? There is nothing like setting the prisoner free and removing thoughts that create captivity. And I always consider a meal eaten while listening a success, for if my plate is empty and my brothers is half full I have met my objective, to listen. However, a meal consumed is just the beginning of the benefit.

Talking birthed in the arena of listening will always have a greater impact. I used to get somewhat anxious when I was going into a situation and did not know the person or had no idea what to say. Yes I love depending on the Holy Spirit for the words to say  however, how much more should we depend on Him to have ears to listen. It has occurred to me that not knowing what to say may well be the best start to any conversation in helping and pastoring people. The need to listen and listening is the area where we hear the need, as well as the Holy Spirit. 

Seeking to listen and asking questions to understand continue to keep us in a place to hear the important and the relevant. Guiding in helping people process and understand the solutions to the challenges they face can always be best accomplished by asking questions and listening. Some people are looking for advice, more often they just want someone to listen and at other times they just process as they hear themselves speak. 

We will never have all the answers, nevertheless how often has the Father's presence in itself been the answer, simply to say its okay, your not alone. Seeking to have the heart of the Father is the first step in having the mind of the Father and expressing a wisdom not our own. However, it will always start with seeking to understand and listening. We all want the Holy Spirit to lead us, that is knowing what to say, but it is also knowing when to say nothing and just listen.

How can you better guide people by listening?

James 1:19  But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak 

Accessibility

Bayside is a church of approximately 5,000 people and the 10^th fastest growing church in the U.S.  So, what makes us so successful?  Is it the building, the strategy, the systems, the great music, etc.?  All those things are great and very much an asset to what we do here at Bayside, but there are three things that really stand out to me. 

1)    God.  I realize this is an extremely obvious one because without God none of this would be possible.  Let me explain a little further.  God births dreams and visions within us, his people.  Without the vision, there is no execution.  The Holy Spirit works in us so that we can do His work and follow the call He has placed on our lives.  The inspired Word of God is preached and is the basis for who we are and the leadership that is in place.

2)    Life-Giving.  You hear about life-giving a lot at Bayside because that’s what we’re all about.  Because death and life is in the power of the tongue and we are church who loves to give life.

3)    Accessibility.  I want to spend a little more time on this one.  One of the main reasons I believe that Bayside is so attractive is because of its accessibility.  From Pastor Randy and throughout the leadership, we believe in being accessible to people.  This is a value that we hold strongly to, because if we are a church who is seeking out lost and hurting people who don’t know Jesus Christ, then we need to be accessible to meet people right where they are.  Jesus was all about making himself accessible and available to people.  We should adopt that same mindset. 

I ask myself, where would I be without the people who made themselves accessible to me?  I know I wouldn’t be sitting at this seat, that’s for sure!

Ask yourself how can I be more accessible to those around me?  I challenge you to invite someone to your small group or to church this week.  Think back to your first experience with Bayside and how it changed your life.  

Follow to Lead, Lead to Follow

I’ve been thinking about leadership lately and recently we have been implementing and reinforcing some more requirements in higher levels of leadership at Bayside.  The interesting thing is often times we get some push back with people saying, “Why do I have to go through this course or why do I need to go to the retreat?  I’ve been in leadership for a long time and I’ve been a pastor before…etc.”  We have these requirements for a number of reasons:

1) Commitment – in order to be a leader, a certain level of commitment is required. 

2)  DNA – it’s important that our leaders understand the DNA of Bayside.

3) Servant Leadership – this is the one I would like to break down a little further.

For those of you who may not know me, I have a thing for ballroom dancing… I know, who would have thought?  In the movie, Take the Lead, Antonio Banderas’ character is a ballroom dance instructor.  In one scene, he is talking with all of the students’ parents and explaining the benefits of learning how to dance.  He uses an analogy of lead and follow.  If the woman can learn how to follow and trust, then the man can feel confident in leading.

What I take from this principle and apply it to us as leaders is that, we have to learn how to properly follow before we can effectively lead.  This is why we are called followers of Christ.  We are in this because we choose to follow Jesus and submit to His leadership and examples.  In that same way, leaders must learn to follow and trust leadership.  Only then can we properly lead others into being fully devoted followers of Christ.  So, in order to lead, you must first learn to follow.  As you lead, you are following the path that God has you on.

Ask yourself, do I have trouble submitting to leadership?  If so, ask God why. 

The Fragrance of Influence

Residing in each one of us is something so powerful that it can shape the destiny of our lives as well as the lives of others.  That something is influence.  Influence as a noun means an effect of one person or thing on another, and as a verb it means to persuade or induce. 

While everyone has influence, women wield their influence differently than men.  A woman has influence with her husband. Perhaps this is why the enemy targeted Eve. He knew she had influence. It is in our DNA to use our influence to connect, network, and gather people together. Twitter and Facebook have nothing on us! We seek to give to others and find joy in advancing a cause. That is why there are more women leading non-profits than men.  Christ-followers live our lives to advance the cause of Christ in our families, the market place, communities and in ministry.

We can wield influence for good or for bad. Take Herodias in Mark 6.  Not only was she married to Herod but also to his brother, Phillip. John the Baptist told Herod it was not lawful for him to be married to his brother’s wife so Herodias held a grudge against John and wanted him executed but she had no power to get this accomplished. However, she did have influence over her daughter who eventually asked Herod for John’s head, and Herod had him executed. Just think what could have happened had Herodias been under the influence of Heaven!

Influence is like a fragrance – it lingers when we pass by. What does our fragrance leave: bitterness, envy, strife, and anger?  Or does it leave peace, joy, grace, and mercy?  What fragrance are we carrying into our kitchens, our work place, and churches?  By cultivating a relationship with Jesus through reading the Word, praying, and staying in fellowship, we can ensure a life-giving fragrance as we seek to influence others for Christ.

Lead Like Jesus

Jesus.

The sound of His name alone brings me peace.  His name, spoken by one who loves Him, is a kiss.  His ways, practiced by one who loves Him, are life-giving.  He has shown us exactly how to lead and it is much less complicated than we tend to make it.

Let’s look at the story Feeding the Five Thousand in Matthew 14.  Just picture it, an epic gathering, a sea of 5000 men and their families spread out as far as the eye could see.  They have followed Jesus from the cities into the deserted place, not giving a thought to anything except being in His presence.  And our Jesus did what he does.  In His goodness and mercy, He healed them.  Some of them didn’t even know it was happening, weren’t even aware of their need, but that is just what happens in the presence of God.

As the disciples perceive this amazing day coming to an end, they think they have a good plan.  Their thoughts turn toward the natural and they begin to strategize and make plans and determine to send all the people away.  But what does Jesus say?

   

 “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

What???  Us?  Perhaps you don’t realize we only have a few loaves and fishes, Master?  Don’t you love how we feel the need to explain things to God?  As if He doesn’t see things as clearly as we do?  Scripture tells us to trust God with all of our heart and lean not on our own understanding (Prov 3:5) and yet, time and time again, we filter each situation through our own understanding before moving.

It is here, in this moment that Jesus does the most amazing thing of all.  He blesses the tiny little bit that they had and

gave it to the disciples

He could have fed that crowd in any number of supernatural ways, but His choice was to use the hands and feet of His disciples, His small group.  Just imagine how those guys felt as their unbelief turned to wide eyed, joy filled, wholehearted belief in the everlasting, ever present, perfect provision of God.  It gives me chills!

The next time your small group meets, think of that day in the deserted place.  Expect miracles, breakthroughs and hearts made whole by the grace of God, but don’t stop there.  Expect to see Jesus use you, Child of God.  Instead of gathering prayer requests and sending them out in e-mail, try this;  when someone has need, have your small group members gather and lay hands on them.  Agree in prayer that their request shall be met, knowing that the prayer of the righteous avails much.


Then send them out to do the same…


by Jen Milne

Relationships Renew!

I was sitting on the couch and my friend was sitting across from me. She was crying; the kind of crying you do when you are just tired and weary.  Tears slowly rolled down her face as she explained to me how she yearned for her husband to come to church with her. It had been such a long time since they had connected on a spiritual level.  All she wanted from me was for me to lend her a listening ear and to pray with her. I know the value of just listening because I too have  been on the receiving end of a listening ear and prayer.  Scripture encourages us in I Thess. 5:11 to “…encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” In 1 Peter 4 we are encouraged to “…keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.  Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s grace.”  My friend needed encouragement and love.  And when we come together like this, we are renewed!  Our strength is renewed! How often have you shared a burden with a friend and left feeling more hopeful, more strengthened, more encouraged, more full of faith that God is going to move in your situation? It happens all the time…we spur one another on…we encourage one another to fight the good fight…to run our race.   That is one of the beautiful results of being connected in a small group.  We get renewed by the relationships we develop in small groups.

Relationships renew!

by Julia Mateer

There's Power in an Invitation

As we get ready for the Fall 2011 Small Group Semester, I am reminded how my life has been radically changed by the power of an invitation, both receiving and giving them.  They are literally the basis for the life change that I have experienced over the last 10 years.

When we invite people to be part of our small group, we are giving them a chance to be a part of something bigger than themselves;  something that could change their life.  In fact, we are modeling what Jesus did in Matthew 4:18-20:

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon, called Peter, and his brother Andrew.  They were casting a net into the lake, for they were called fisherman.  "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people."  At once they left their nets and followed him.


Jesus knew that what he was doing was what Father God asked him to do.  He invited (vs.18) Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew to join him on a life changing journey, one that changed the world.  Within his invitation, there are two things that stand out to me as things we can do as we invite people to be a part of our small group.

1.  The invitation was personal.  He spoke to them.  There is something special about looking someone in the eyes and asking them to be a part of something that you are doing.  People want to be wanted.


2.  He made it clear what they would be doing.  He spoke to them in a way they would understand what it was he was doing.  An invitation should be tailored to the individual receiving it.  It should be easy for them to understand and something they can find value in.  This is why it's so important to invite you know.  If you know what's going on in a person's life, then you know how to invite them.

I am not saying any of you are Jesus, but I will go out on a limb and say that I believe that small group you are leading you have been lead to do so by Father God, just as Jesus was.  So, if you have been lead to start your small group by Father God, shouldn't you invite people to join you for the journey?  After all, it will be life changing for them, and for you.

As you read this, who is standing out in your mind that you need to invite to your small group?  someone whose life needs to change and maybe your small group can help with that?  Go ahead and decide to reach out to them and invite them to join your small group.

Do you have a story about how you life has been changed by the power of an invitation?  Feel free to share below in the comments section.

Where is Your Samaritan Woman?

Jesus is in the business of changing men, women, children, teenagers, the elderly…anyone that calls upon the name of the Lord will be changed. 

There is one particular story that makes me fall in love with Jesus all over again and that is the story of the Samaritan woman. Before we look at that story, let’s look at Jesus genealogy.  Knowing Jesus’ genealogy helps us to relate to Him in a whole new way. His genealogy had several broken women in it – Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba. This list brings into Jesus’ history such things as incest, prostitution, interracial marriage (thankfully, this isn’t an issue anymore, but it was forbidden in that culture), and adultery. And perhaps this is why Jesus could relate to the woman at the well.  Here was a woman who had been married 5 times and was now living with a man. She comes to the well to get water in her jar and who does she find there? The Son of God! He meets her where she is at…I love it!  He shares with her that the water she is seeking will run dry and she will thirst again, but the water He is offering will never run dry. He “reads her mail” and speaks to the area that women care most about and the area that causes us the most pain…and that is the area of relationships. He reveals that He knows that she has been married 5 times and is currently living with a man. He then reveals to her that He is the Christ. Now this is significant because of whom she is: not only is she a woman but she is a Samaritan woman! Samaritans were despised by the Jews because they believed differently from them; they were considered heretics. The Samaritan woman is so impacted and changed by her encounter with Jesus that she goes back to her town and shares with the men about her encounter with Jesus.  The men are so curious that they go and hang out with Jesus for a few days, and then they become believers too! And this all happened because Jesus met the woman at the well.

You see Jesus is still in the business of changing lives, but here’s the thing: Jesus isn’t here anymore! Scripture says that Jesus is at the right hand of the Father and He sent the Holy Spirit as our Helper.  WE ARE HERE. WE ARE HIS HANDS AND FEET.  So how do we do that? How do we minister to that Samaritan woman? The Samaritan woman is still here. She may not be at the well anymore, but she may be at the water cooler or in front of us in line at Wal-Mart, or at the gym, or our kids’ sports games.  I had a friend that started a small group in her home and she not only had women from Bayside but also women from her neighborhood. As they met together on a weekly basis for Bible study, something beautiful began to happen. They began to pray together for their marriages, and they developed loving supportive friendships. My friend was so excited because right there in her own living room, women were experiencing the passionate love of Christ and their lives were being changed! And there are hundreds of stories just like this happening in our community. What is your story? How will you minister to the Samaritan woman in your community? Most of us reading this blog have experienced the passionate love of Jesus but there are thousands of people in our community that have yet to know His grace and mercy.  There are even people coming through our church doors that need to experience His love! Maybe it is the woman who just had a fight with her husband right before coming to church and she is trying to figure out how to “do marriage” as a Christian. Maybe a man has just dropped his teenager off at Epic and he is using drugs, and he needs someone to come along side him to love, pray, and support him.  There are people INSIDE and OUTSIDE of the church who need to experience the passionate love of Jesus. Let us remember to be the hands and feet of Jesus and reach out to the Samaritan woman in our spheres of influence!

Seeing More

One of the questions we get on the small group leadership team from new small group leaders is, "Why do I need a coach?"  There are a lot of reasons for this, but a recent time playing with my daughter, Kassidy, reminded me of one of the reasons coaches are so important.


Kassidy and I horse around a lot.  She is at an age where she wants to play all the time.  Most of the time, the more dangerous, the better for her.  She loves being up high, sitting on my shoulders.  This particular day, she wanted to stand on my shoulders.  I looked over at Nichole, giving her a look as if to say, "You good with this?"  Nichole looked back at me with a look that said, "Yep, as long as nothing happens to her." (You know that look, right?)  So, I took Kassidy's hands, helped her climb up, and got her settled in standing on my shoulders.  The moment she was up there she said, "see more."  I asked her what she was seeing and she started pointing things out around the room that she had a hard time seeing from her height.  A whole new world was opened up to Kassidy.  She saw things from a different perspective. To me, it's what I always see because I am taller than her, but to her, it was pretty amazing. 


I immediately thought, what a great picture of what a coach does for a small group leader.  The coach has the ability to help the small group leader "See More" by allowing the small group leader to “stand on" their shoulders.  Coaches have a perspective that small group leaders do not have.  They have been there, done that.


Invariably the small group leader will have questions about how to do this, or what do I do with this type of personality, etc.  What a great opportunity that is to talk to your coach and gain from the perspective they have.  All of our coaches have a heart to serve and would love nothing more than having the opportunity to help with any question or situation you find yourself in as a small group leader. 


Coaches are not better people, they are just people that have been where you are and if you take the time to "stand on" their shoulders, you have an opportunity to "see more" and to see things from a different perspective.


I would encourage you to get to know your coach, spend time with them, and ask questions around thoughts you have pertaining to your small group.  Give them the opportunity to help you "See More."  You'll be glad you did.


Do you have any stories of someone helping you "See More," helping you see things from a different perspective?  Please tell us about it in the comment section below.........


by Sean Callaghan