A Life-Giving Leader Knows that Pain is Part of Leadership

     A life-giving woman knows that pain is part of leadership, and she understands the necessity of guarding her heart. Proverbs 4:23, says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. “ A position of leadership puts you out front for all to see, watch, and judge. I enjoy horse racing, and used to attend the races at Keeneland in Kentucky. When a horse would come out of the shoot, my eye would always follow the horse that was out front and in the lead. John Maxwell, the guru of leadership books, writes in his book, Leadership Gold, “When you get kicked in the rear, you know you’re out front.” 

     A life-giving leader knows that she doesn’t have the luxury of “closing up shop and going home” just because she gets, “kicked in the rear,” her feelings get hurt or she gets criticized. The challenge is to resist quitting the race but also to resist hardening your heart. The tendency is to give up and stop engaging life. We want to put our jammies on, curl up in a blanket and eat chocolate when we are struggling and defeated, but the life-giving leader presses into love, takes another risk, and embraces another relationship. 

     One of my pastor friends experienced a great deal of relational pain when several of the members of the church where he served, became critical of the church and left. When I was talking with him about how he was handling the heartbreak of several members leaving, he said to me that although it was very painful for him personally, he would not stop loving others and engaging in people‘s lives. In other words, he didn’t take himself out of the game.  He pressed into love, and continued on with his race.

     The greatest tactic of the enemy is to get you to stop loving others, stop ministering to others, and to retreat to where it is safe…out of commission, and out of life! John Eldredge writes in Desire, “Do we form no friendships because our friends might be taken from us? Do we refuse to love because we may be hurt? Do we forsake our dreams because hope has been deferred? To desire is to open our hearts to the possibility of pain; to shut down our hearts is to die altogether.” 

     In order to keep your heart soft and life-giving, you must maintain a forgiving heart toward others. Jesus said in Mark 11:24-25, “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you hold a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” (NIV). The writer of Hebrews warns us, “Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you for as it springs up among you it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives.” Hebrews 12:15 (LB).  “Express. Don’t hold it in. Talk about it. Because if you don’t get it dealt with now, if you let it begin to boil, it will be harder to deal with later.  Emotional anger unexpressed will lead to sinful bitterness.“ [Joe Champion, Rocked, pg. 27].

    Remember, no matter your circumstances, the state of your heart will determine the direction of your life and your leadership. Guard your heart!

Passion vs. Capability

Sitting around the conference table was a group of capable women leaders each with tremendous responsibility: family responsibilities, work responsibilities, and ministry responsibilities. The agenda for the meeting had been completed and each was eager to move forward with their day.

And then the Holy Spirit “interrupted” their schedule and showed up at the meeting as only He can.

Just as the meeting was about to close, the facilitator asked each woman about her passion…what makes her heart jump…what does she pray for in her quiet moments…what spurs her on. 

One by one, each woman began to weep as she shared the dream of her heart. The facilitator observed the tears and wondered what had touched each woman so deeply to evoke such an emotional reaction.  And then it occurred to her, she had touched upon that which was most precious to each woman – passion.  Each woman in this group was a great leader not because of her capability but because of her passionate love of Christ!

A woman that is fulfilling the call of God on her life and living in the passion zone is a woman that is most fulfilled. Some of these women were living in the passion zone and some were awaiting the dream to come to fruition.

Leadership skills can be taught, but passion is ambiguous and intangible.  It is a beautiful commodity that resides in a person and creates enthusiasm that can spread like wild fire.  Peter was a man filled with passion which at times got him into tremendous trouble with Christ.  Up until the book of Acts, the reader sees Peter in blunder after blunder after blunder which culminates with denying Jesus three times. BUT Jesus loved Peter and after His resurrection fully restored him to full fellowship (John 21:1-23). In Acts from Pentecost on Peter is a leader. All the passion he had for Christ was channeled into leadership that impacted the world and continues until this day.

So the question becomes, what is your passion? What evokes tears within you? What spurs you on?  

   

The Fragrance of Influence

Residing in each one of us is something so powerful that it can shape the destiny of our lives as well as the lives of others.  That something is influence.  Influence as a noun means an effect of one person or thing on another, and as a verb it means to persuade or induce. 

While everyone has influence, women wield their influence differently than men.  A woman has influence with her husband. Perhaps this is why the enemy targeted Eve. He knew she had influence. It is in our DNA to use our influence to connect, network, and gather people together. Twitter and Facebook have nothing on us! We seek to give to others and find joy in advancing a cause. That is why there are more women leading non-profits than men.  Christ-followers live our lives to advance the cause of Christ in our families, the market place, communities and in ministry.

We can wield influence for good or for bad. Take Herodias in Mark 6.  Not only was she married to Herod but also to his brother, Phillip. John the Baptist told Herod it was not lawful for him to be married to his brother’s wife so Herodias held a grudge against John and wanted him executed but she had no power to get this accomplished. However, she did have influence over her daughter who eventually asked Herod for John’s head, and Herod had him executed. Just think what could have happened had Herodias been under the influence of Heaven!

Influence is like a fragrance – it lingers when we pass by. What does our fragrance leave: bitterness, envy, strife, and anger?  Or does it leave peace, joy, grace, and mercy?  What fragrance are we carrying into our kitchens, our work place, and churches?  By cultivating a relationship with Jesus through reading the Word, praying, and staying in fellowship, we can ensure a life-giving fragrance as we seek to influence others for Christ.

Relationships Renew!

I was sitting on the couch and my friend was sitting across from me. She was crying; the kind of crying you do when you are just tired and weary.  Tears slowly rolled down her face as she explained to me how she yearned for her husband to come to church with her. It had been such a long time since they had connected on a spiritual level.  All she wanted from me was for me to lend her a listening ear and to pray with her. I know the value of just listening because I too have  been on the receiving end of a listening ear and prayer.  Scripture encourages us in I Thess. 5:11 to “…encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” In 1 Peter 4 we are encouraged to “…keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.  Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s grace.”  My friend needed encouragement and love.  And when we come together like this, we are renewed!  Our strength is renewed! How often have you shared a burden with a friend and left feeling more hopeful, more strengthened, more encouraged, more full of faith that God is going to move in your situation? It happens all the time…we spur one another on…we encourage one another to fight the good fight…to run our race.   That is one of the beautiful results of being connected in a small group.  We get renewed by the relationships we develop in small groups.

Relationships renew!

by Julia Mateer

Where is Your Samaritan Woman?

Jesus is in the business of changing men, women, children, teenagers, the elderly…anyone that calls upon the name of the Lord will be changed. 

There is one particular story that makes me fall in love with Jesus all over again and that is the story of the Samaritan woman. Before we look at that story, let’s look at Jesus genealogy.  Knowing Jesus’ genealogy helps us to relate to Him in a whole new way. His genealogy had several broken women in it – Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba. This list brings into Jesus’ history such things as incest, prostitution, interracial marriage (thankfully, this isn’t an issue anymore, but it was forbidden in that culture), and adultery. And perhaps this is why Jesus could relate to the woman at the well.  Here was a woman who had been married 5 times and was now living with a man. She comes to the well to get water in her jar and who does she find there? The Son of God! He meets her where she is at…I love it!  He shares with her that the water she is seeking will run dry and she will thirst again, but the water He is offering will never run dry. He “reads her mail” and speaks to the area that women care most about and the area that causes us the most pain…and that is the area of relationships. He reveals that He knows that she has been married 5 times and is currently living with a man. He then reveals to her that He is the Christ. Now this is significant because of whom she is: not only is she a woman but she is a Samaritan woman! Samaritans were despised by the Jews because they believed differently from them; they were considered heretics. The Samaritan woman is so impacted and changed by her encounter with Jesus that she goes back to her town and shares with the men about her encounter with Jesus.  The men are so curious that they go and hang out with Jesus for a few days, and then they become believers too! And this all happened because Jesus met the woman at the well.

You see Jesus is still in the business of changing lives, but here’s the thing: Jesus isn’t here anymore! Scripture says that Jesus is at the right hand of the Father and He sent the Holy Spirit as our Helper.  WE ARE HERE. WE ARE HIS HANDS AND FEET.  So how do we do that? How do we minister to that Samaritan woman? The Samaritan woman is still here. She may not be at the well anymore, but she may be at the water cooler or in front of us in line at Wal-Mart, or at the gym, or our kids’ sports games.  I had a friend that started a small group in her home and she not only had women from Bayside but also women from her neighborhood. As they met together on a weekly basis for Bible study, something beautiful began to happen. They began to pray together for their marriages, and they developed loving supportive friendships. My friend was so excited because right there in her own living room, women were experiencing the passionate love of Christ and their lives were being changed! And there are hundreds of stories just like this happening in our community. What is your story? How will you minister to the Samaritan woman in your community? Most of us reading this blog have experienced the passionate love of Jesus but there are thousands of people in our community that have yet to know His grace and mercy.  There are even people coming through our church doors that need to experience His love! Maybe it is the woman who just had a fight with her husband right before coming to church and she is trying to figure out how to “do marriage” as a Christian. Maybe a man has just dropped his teenager off at Epic and he is using drugs, and he needs someone to come along side him to love, pray, and support him.  There are people INSIDE and OUTSIDE of the church who need to experience the passionate love of Jesus. Let us remember to be the hands and feet of Jesus and reach out to the Samaritan woman in our spheres of influence!