Forgiveness, My Testimony

On April 2, 2002 my life was changed forever.  I got a phone call from my dad, he was calling from the hospital with words I never thought I would hear.  My sister was in the ICU and my mother had died.  How could this have happened?! 

My 17 year old sister Stacy was in a coma fighting for her life.  Her head was fractured on every side and she had bleeding and swelling in her brain.  She had a broken arm and collarbone among other injuries.  The area of her brain affected was speech and memory.  Doctors anticipated that she would need a lengthy stay in a rehab hospital if she ever came to.  Stacy continued to sleep while we had my mother’s funeral.  One day her head swelled so badly she was hardly recognizable. 

Meanwhile, the man who caused the crash was being prosecuted by the state for negligent homicide because of how it occurred.  I started to look for revenge against this man who had caused the terrible accident that had stolen so much from me.  I was hurt.  I was angry.  I was confused.

But then 10 days after the accident Stacy woke up!  The first thing she did was to try to call our mother on the hospital telephone.  My father and a trauma counselor told her that mom had died.  On mother’s day that year she watched the funeral we had videotaped for her.  The one ray of light in the midst of this tragedy was the miracle God was doing with Stacy. 

In the beginning, the doctors had given her a 75% chance of having some type of brain damage.  They also said she would likely have to learn to cope with a speech impediment.  But after only one day in the rehab hospital it was evident that her speech and mental capabilities were rapidly improving.  She was discharged. The doctors called her the Miracle Girl!  A month to the day after the accident Stacy was back in school and got a 99 and 100 on 2 pop quizzes! 

I began a 2 year journey that brought me to the point of forgiveness.  In the beginning of this process I couldn’t fathom forgiving the man who had killed my mother.  I would drive by his street and think of ways I could get back at him. 

“Forgive and you will be forgiven…”  Those words haunted me daily.  I just wasn’t ready, so I got involved in the court process.  I learned that I couldn’t find justice in the justice system.  Of course, what I was really looking for was revenge.  God showed me that my heart attitude had to be right and not accusatory.  After a long battle within myself, I decided to let God be the ultimate judge.  If you seek revenge in your heart it will only turn into bitterness and hate, and thwart the calling of God on your life and your relationship with Him and others. 

I realized I had to let it go!  I had to get rid of the blame and the hate. To live with a pure conscience was of greater value to me than trying to avenge my mother’s death.  So I chose to forgive him.  When I made the conscious decision to forgive, my heart started to soften.  I was still hurting but the anger and confusion began to fade. 

Even though the process of forgiveness had started, something was holding it back.  I felt like I had to tell this man that I forgave him.  I did not want to!  In fact, this was the last thing I ever wanted to do.  At one of the final court hearings we were in a room with him and I talked to him and his wife, I held his hand and told him “I forgive you.”  It was by far the hardest thing to do but from that point on, my heart was free!  I can’t begin to describe how wonderful it is to live with a free heart – free of anger, hurt, bitterness, revenge and hatred.

When I was asked to share this testimony of forgiveness I realized that I did not even remember his whole name!  You can be free!  Forgive!  Life is too short and God’s plan for you is too precious to keep bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart!